5 Ways To Sit On A Wet Bench
There’s nothing quite as nasty as having to sit on a wet bench when you’re hell bent on having a picnic. Even worse, when it’s brilliantly sunny but last night’s soaker hasn’t burned off yet. Right when you want to lollygag at a rest area and soak up some rays.
So, how are you going to sit on a wet bench?
Solution #1 The old bathmat trick.
You keep an old bathmat in the car, right? Like all self-respecting limited-budgeters? The one you put on the driver’s side when you’re tootling around in a wet swimsuit? The one you toss on the roof, rubber-side-down, so you can slide your kayak up and over the top? The one the dog sprawls on ‘cos he hates the back seat?
Okay, okay, parlay that old bathmat into use number umteenth: sit on on a wt bench at the picnic table. Instant cush, no unlikeable wetness under butt. (Not to mention, no pokey splinters, nails, bird poop. Oooh, and it doesn’t slide off leaving you in a puddle.
The best part? People walk by wondering how eccentric you are for bringing a fluffy pink bathmat to a picnic and next moment wish they had one.
Not the cotton one…
In regards to your old bathmat selection, Muddy Boots warns against the lovely cotton piece you purchased in an indulgent moment before limited-budgetness set in. Cotton soaks up water: wet butt city.
Not the rotting one…
On the other hand……Be forewarned: do NOT on any account commandeer the used bathmat 5 models back that is rotting on the bottom and leaves heaps of rubber snow flakes everywhere you shake it whoosh and everywhere you brrrr settle it down. If you miss this decree, do NOT involve Muddy Boots in the follow-up epithets.
Get the $4 variety?
Can’t meet Muddy Boots’ stringent requirements? Splurge and get a cheap one from, gasp, Walmart. Great investment.
Sit on a wet bench plus a bunch of other prickly spots
By now, the keen scent of Muddy Bootsers has nosed down additional opportunities for butt-coddling, i.e. while sitting on rocks lava sage bushes and other irritating places.
Solution #2 Find your butt a placemat.
Not a whole lot of embellishment needed here, just some scrounging in the depths of your kitchen drawers. It’s gotta be plastic, duh, not the elegant ones you pulled out for your mother-in-law’s—RIP—visit. Big perk of this accoutrement? When you’re not using it under your derrière, it can go under your laptop or racy novel.
Solution #3 The sleeping pad you can’t sleep on.
Did you ever go backpacking in the 1970’s? Somewhere in the bowels of your storage closet you may be able to unearth a closed cell foam pad. The light blue one in a roll? They still make these, but strictly speaking, for 62 plussers they only had a prayer of being viable in the old days.
Cut yourself off a piece.
If you don’t have an ancient sleeping pad, try a piece of defunct yoga mat.
FYI: do not use open cell foam to meet these specifications. That would be a sponge.
Solution #4 The blanket approach.
This won’t take too much imagination. Either cut yourself off a piece of old blue tarp, or corral the red space blanket someone gave you for Christmas and you weren’t sure what to do with. Give the latter a permanent spot tied to the outside of your pack, since it will have many uses besides derrière protection.
Solution #5 Go tech-ish.
For want of good options, Muddy Boots will go brand-specific here. Cascade Designs (aka Thermarest) makes 2 possibilities for sitting dry.
The first is a seat-sized Thermarest. Theoretically, it self-inflates, but if you finish your lunch-on-a-log before it has cushed-up to appropriate heights, get ahead of the game by blowing in extra air before taking a seat.
The second—Muddy Boots’ personal fave for a pack—is a Thermarest mini Z-Rest. This is bubbly closed-cell foam that folds like an accordion. Unless someone filches it, it will likely last you forever.
Photo credits for 4 ways to sit on a wet bench. Featured image and top, Picnic table with view at Grand Canyon: Public Domain via Pixabay. Sitting at a wet picnic table: CC BY 2.0 by Peter Stevens via Flickr. Green shag rug piece: CC BY 2.0 by Abby Lanes via Flickr. Orange bathmat piece: CC BY-SA by Joe Futrelle via Flickr. Sitting on blue closed cell foam eating lunch: CC BY 2.0 by Michael R Perry via Flickr. Commercial products: screen shots from Amazon.com. Hello Kitty “World’s Best Bathmat”: CC BY by Dan via Flickr.